Gay Sex!


"Look at that old grizzly bear..."

"Get a load of that old grizzly bear..."

Friends,

Did that headline catch your attention? Personally I’m wondering how many perverts are going to type “Gay Sex” into Google today and get really bummed out when they’re directed to the Hamstring.

I’m not trying to be a troll, but that is kind of funny to me. It really doesn’t take much to amuse me actually. The other day I commented to the CDO how funny it is that the dog can entertain himself so easily. Our dialogue went something like this:

Me: “You should’ve seen the dog earlier, it was hilarious. I spent 10 minutes watching him roll around on his back while he made funny noises. So easily entertained…”

CDO: “You watched him for 10 minutes? Hmmm…”

I’m pretty sure that the point she was trying to make, was I’m as dimwitted as the dog, or something to that effect. Whatever, I love the little guy, he’s got his dad’s sense of humor…and libido.

Initially, this post was going to be about gay sex…well kind of. The premise was going to be this: I was going to create a list of 5 men who I would have sex with if I absolutely had to. A few different circumstances come to mind, and they’re the following: If by doing so, it would erase poverty in Africa. Maybe if by me taking the train to Brown Town, we could eradicate predatory religion, or get our country out of this massive debt we’re in and magically create jobs. Maybe if I just happened to wake up horny on a Thursday…you get the picture. Drumroll please.

  1. Morrissey - No explanation needed. I’d actually enjoy it probably. Hmmm…
  2. Elvis - Only problem I can see here is that he’s been dead for 34 years. Well…at least he won’t have any trouble keeping it hard. Heyooooo!!! A little rigamortis humor for the back section… Get it?! BACK SECTION?! Moving on…
  3. Blake Schwarzenbach - Intelligent? Check. Prolific songwriter? Check. Drop dead sexy? Check.
  4. Mark Foley - I’d like be the one doing the fucking here.
  5. This Guy - I don’t always have gay sex with men, but when I do, I prefer this guy.

Whew…not sure what just came over me there. Now I just feel sad…like I really need a good cry. All I know is that I could really go for putting on some Bette Midler and diving into an apple-tini right about now. Oh look! A German BDSM club just opened up down the street! Crisis avoided! Fabulous.

Good god. I feel like I need to watch some football, STAT. Maybe put on an Entourage DVD…

Oooooooookay….

It’s been a rough past 10 days for Mike Apathy, so I haven’t really had much time to focus on writing anything with any substance to it. Thank you in advance for your patience and understanding. Actually, why the hell am I apologizing? My buddy Tyler hasn’t written anything in weeks. My “I in team” post was intended to light a fire under his ass, but apparently its flame-retardent. What a bastard. He’s got school at night, work during the day, he’s trying to sell a condo, etc… Whoopty-Doo. Get on your damn laptop and write a shopping list…anything. I’m not asking you for a handjob.

So, with the above being said, and with no more motivation to write, I’m going to lean on a common trope used by blog-geeks worldwide:

Re-Posting Funny Pictures Stolen From Other Sites

Enjoy (again, I don’t care that they’re lifted from Reddit and The Chive…public domain…bite me).

2011 East Coast Earthquake

Okay…I think that just about does it. Good times. Anyone got any fun plans for the weekend? I’m playing 9 holes with Stizzle tomorrow. Hope he doesn’t kick my ass too badly. Either way, I’ve been really successful with my hand-wedge lately, so I’ll probably be okay. ZING! Golf jokes baby, golf jokes…

For Tyler, the CDO, Stizzle and Elvis (R.I.P.),

This is Mike Apathy signing off.